Tag Archives: opinion

What’s on my DVD shelves: Pacific Rim

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I absolutely love this movie. I am not a big sci-fi fan, but this movie was awesome. Big robots, big monsters, lots of screaming. Some great acting. It had a bit of everything. Thrills, screams, and a bit of humor.

I was not a fan of Charlie Hunnam before this movie. And, as he did such a good job, I started watching Sons of Anarchy…it just didn’t hold my attention.

I love Ron Pearlman, in most anything he does. He was my little teen hero in the TV series Beauty and the Beast. He was my comic hero in Hellboy. He just seems to put a lot of himself into whatever character he is playing.

And let’s not forget about Idris Elba. Oh, older lady swoon for that man.

Now, I have always been a big robot fan, having grown up with both the comic and TV series of Transformers. I even have the Decepticon and Autobot logos on my left hand. And I will be spot lighting those movies as well at a later date.

Pacific Rim is about to have a sequel. I am not a big fan of sequels…too many thing seem to be forgotten, or…well…I don’t know. They just don’t live up to the original movies ‘wow’ factor. Especially with an all new cast and whatnot.

Some movies don’t need a sequel. It should be left well enough alone. Others need a sequel to tidy up loose ends.

The special effects to Pacific Rim were above par. So many details were included in movement of both the monsters and robots. Thumbs up for realistic things like the quiver of blubber on a monster, or the pinions of a foot and leg rocking in a robot.

Director Guillermo del Toro usually never lets me down.

This was a great movie to sit down and watch. I was pleasantly surprised at the acting, directing and special effects. If you haven’t seen it, I do highly recommend it!

 

 

 


Memorial Day…my thoughts…

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Today is the US Holiday of Memorial Day, to remember those of the military who gave their lives in the duty of their country.

 

Now, I am from a military family. My dad was Army, my husband was Army and my brother is currently in the Army. My daughter is about to join the Air Force.

 

They are all still alive. All of them have been in the war zone, however, and have seen their fellow soldiers fall.

 

Today is not to be all about BBQs and swimming and fun. Sure, those things can be had, but its also about remembering what has been given from all branches of the military.

 

Some enlist for financial reasons, some enlist for a true calling to be in the military and its way of life. Trust me, being raised and married to the military is an experience like none other.

 

Take a moment of the day to think about ALL the lives lost. Some of our soldiers, men and women, some barely out of their teens, have died serving in wars that we may not have really gotten involved in. (I wont bring politics into this).Its senseless death. But they should be honored for their sacrifice, for following their leaders. They gave an oath and upheld that oath to the highest degree.

 

Have a safe and happy day, and to those of you who have served or are currently serving, bless you all.

Love you all, my sweets!


Mental Illness from my perspective

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I suffer from many disorders of the mind. Chemical imbalances, terrible phobias, psychotic tendencies.

 

Back in the day, the mid 80’s, the medical world did not have the aptitude for mental illness that it does now, so, as my mental illnesses emerged and ran rampant in my early and mid-teens, I received more disapproving looks and glares than actual help.

 

There is nothing more painful than a 15 year old who has been cutting for a few years to overhear a shrink tell your parents it’s a cry for ‘attention’. They also dumped the blame on my mother, who was riddled with guilt for years thinking she had done something wrong in raising me. Cutting and self-mutilation are not cries for help. There is actually a chemical reaction within the brain that cutting and pain produces, while also the act of pain itself is an indicator that you can indeed feel, and it feels good.

 

One of my suicide attempts at 16 landed me in the hospital for a good while. Do you know what the therapy consisted of? The doctors yelling at me and threatening me to straighten up and fly right and quit being a ‘brat’. This same mentality also deems suicide as ‘selfish’. Suicide is not a selfish action. If someone commits suicide, it was not for selfish reasons or to hurt those who cared for them. It is a release from all that is twisted and broken on the inside.

 

To this day, one of my nearest and dearest tries to argue that I am selfish for even entertaining suicidal thoughts. It hurts when you can’t change a stigma. However, I am honest in my feelings when asked.

 

I wear many scars of my cutting. I’ve hand many trips to the ER because I let things get out of my control. My best friend gets sad when she looks at my scars. She, however, does not lecture. She empathizes the best she can. Most of my friends do. I don’t have many friends, really, a bare handful that I will sit down with face to face. I like my friends to be pen pals or online friends due to my own quirks that society doesn’t deem acceptable.

 

I had a complete nervous breakdown in 2004. With that mental collapse came acute agoraphobia. I stayed inside, rarely even leaving the bedroom. I had my nest there…all my needed things. Computer, books and all my comforts.

 

Getting me to leave the house for something important, such as a doctor’s appointment, when I finally gave in to see one, took nearly a month to plan. Part of agoraphobia and social anxiety is ‘mapping your route’. In my ‘mapping’ I refused left hand turns. I know this sounds so illogical, but this is simply one instance of how my mind works and copes with things.

 

Through therapy and medicine, my agoraphobia is more under control. I mean, look…I am teaching classes at the local library. I’ve been to Arizona and New Mexico several times to see my best friend. Yes, I am medicated throughout the journey, but the point is…I am leaving my comfort zone.

 

Speaking of ‘comfort zones’, I have carefully and painstakingly crafted my own personal room within my house. It was once the garage, but the original owners turned it into a sunken den sort of thing. It’s very big. I could put a bed in here if not for all my bookcases and swords and general (very odd) toys. Everything has its place. When anyone else comes in here and moves something, it irritates me to no end. Others may see this room as just an office, but to me it is so much more. This is my haven. And when I say I don’t spend any time in any other place in the house, I am being completely honest. I recently purchased a new living room suit with the intent of spending more time in the living room enjoying movies and whatnot with the family. It’s been two months now, that has yet to happen.

 

Obviously I am getting better at social situations, so long as they are controlled, like the classes I teach at the library. Though, don’t call me up and say ‘how about I introduce you to some of my friends and we go out for dinner?’ That would be a no. I have one close friend here locally that I will meet up with for coffee, or go to our favorite lunch spot. Sometimes with nothing more than a few hours’ notice. That’s a huge step for me. An accomplishment.

 

A large part of going out west to see my best friend and going down to Dothan to meet with my other close friend is that they empathize. They have taken the time to know me and understand me, and would never ask anything of me that would tax my limits. These people are rare and very much loved by me. They ask questions sometimes, to better understand things, and that’s good! It shows me they want to know the limits and they are looking out for my comfort levels.

 

One thing I am not in control of, despite the heavy medications, is my bipolar disorder. When I am in a manic high, well…its best to lock me in a room with no sharp objects and let me talk a lot, because I tend to get very chatty and animated. When I am in a down, you will be lucky to get me out of my room. I tend not to take care of myself as well. No sleep, no food, I neglect personal hygiene to a point. I am just utterly sad and feel so very alone. It’s painful.

 

When my bipolar disorder gets out of whack, so does my schizophrenia. I hear things. Sometimes just awful things. I used to see things a lot, but not so much anymore. I may see a flutter or shadow from my peripheral vision. Hearing the voices though…that’s something I can definitely do without. My meds usually keep me on a pretty even keel, and when I do slide up or down, it’s not as terribly drastic as before the meds.

 

I also have severe depression with psychotic tendencies. Pretty self-explanatory.

 

I feel things very deeply sometimes. It really depends on what it is. I have little empathy for the population at large. However, don’t ever let me see animal abuse.

 

Most of the time, I take criticism very well. I mean, you have to when you are a writer or artist. You are under scrutiny. I’ve tried to take all my reviews that were less than favorable as learning experiences.

 

However, someone in a game I play said my writing was ‘underwhelming’. I have not written anything on that site since. I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel ashamed. I feel as if the whole community on that site is sitting back looking at everything I’ve ever written there (we’re talking 15 years of stories) and just grimacing as they read my words. It’s like a wound that just won’t close…it keeps bleeding and bleeding…and it only took one person to inflict it and drive me away.

 

As with most people that are on a lot of medications, when I am feeling good and happy, I tend to think I don’t need the meds. Huge mistake. I will admit, when I have a writing piece that needs to be done, or, say, NaNoWriMo is here, I will only take half doses of my bipolar meds, because yes, they honestly make me feel a little zombie-like. I am a very doped up person. In this little cheat time when I half my daily dose, it takes maybe a week before I start sliding up or down. In cases of an event like NaNoWriMo it is pretty solid that I will slip into a manic high.

 

I have admitted this all to my psychiatrist, and now every three months he orders blood work to check my Depakote serum levels. Damn it…he makes it hard to cheat!!

 

Another little thing I learned is to come up with tales of how I got hurt and need stitches. I used to be honest with the ER. Then my record made them stricter with me. They put me in a room to be stitched up, but they take my shoes, keys, purse, phone and even my water! So, the last time I did go to the ER, I had a wild tale as of how something sliced my arm.

 

I don’t know why I still cut. Sometimes, the thought just comes into my head and before I know it, I’m sitting there with a bloody rag and a feeling of calm. A serene calm. Other times, when I am manic, it seems to be a focal point for me, because my brain can’t seem to grasp hold of any one thing for more than a moment.

 

Are mental illnesses curable? No, I don’t think so. They are treatable, however. It takes a while. I’ve been trying and changing medications over the course of the last…almost 15 years or so. Hell, I was just changed to a new anti-depressant last month. It’s working, too! My Depakote has to be adjusted a lot though, it seems.

 

I think I am trying to make a point with this post…

 

If you know someone who seems like their struggling, try to help them. I know insurance and the cost of everything makes it very hard for people to get the treatment they need and the meds. Having good friends makes a lot of difference, too. Be a support system. If you suspect someone is hurting themselves, do not admonish them for it. Try to talk to them. Get to the heart of it. I have 4 people right at this very moment, at 3am, that I could call and they would not be grumpy or grouchy that I called them and woke them up. They would talk to me, ease me, their words would be meaningful and gentle and encouraging for me not to hurt myself. They would be there even if I just needed to cry. And I hate crying.

 

Mental illness is not a fad. Yes, I know there are people out there who claim to have illnesses that they don’t for the attention or benefits, but not everyone. In this day and age, depression is on the rise. When people do seek help, you aren’t just prescribed something and everything turns out fine and dandy. My first round of meds sent me so far out of control it was scary. A lot of the treatment is trial and error until you find something that fits with your body and brains chemical disposition.

 

Well, I’ve just rambled on, haven’t I?

 

In addition to the brain, my body is currently out of sorts as well. I took a trip to my family practice doc on Monday for a chest cold. I have COPD, so I don’t play when it comes to chest colds. Turns out I have myself a case of bronchitis. Antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine in it and I am still feeling like poo two days later. I get hot and then cold, I can’t sleep.

 

To top all that off, its pollen season here in the good old south. Everything outside is covered in a layer of yellow pollen. Allergies Ahoy!!! And with the pollen and nice temps, come all the bugs of the South. Ew.

 

The kittehs are all doing great. The kitten is growing well, though I think he is stunted from his time being lost and alone and eating nothing but bugs and stuff until my best friend found him.

 

Since cats are cats, and not all of mine get along, I can’t get a nice group photo. So, I think this weekend I will enlist the help of the daughter in setting up a nice background and sitting each cat up for a photo. Try to make it look all professional. Cyd and Siefer would sit together, and BaxterMarie would sit with Jeff. Any of the cats would sit with Jeff…he’s cool with everyone. However, little Spencer thinks it’s always playtime, so that’s going to be a challenge. And Quinny won’t sit still with anyone. Wow…this is starting to sound like a task…lol.

 

It has been almost 30 days since my last blog entry. For that, I am sorry. I lose readership and that’s sad, and totally my fault.

 

I have thought long and hard about even writing on this particular subject. It’s filled my mind every day, while I play with the cats, rearrange my office for the millionth time, read, write and put together my new computer. Oh, yes…new computer. Thank the stars above that I am super paranoid about losing my documents, programs, pictures and music. Everything is backed up on both Dropbox and an external hard drive…I didn’t lose a thing. And the new PC is awesome.

 

I’ll close this up by encouraging you to think things over, maybe open up some discussion in the comments.

 

I’m going to strive harder to not let 30 days pass without an entry again. It’s time to share some stories!


November 2016 Day 25

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Day after Thanksgiving, I’m tired, I’m hung-over. Feeling every bit sluggish. My office is in a state that is unacceptable to me and its really working on my last OCD nerve – however, they are not my items to be moving and re-organizing and cleaning up, they belong to a guest. I have to pull in those negative feelings about ‘my space’ and how I like it to be kept. However, very soon it won’t be an issue. I have ordered a portable storage barn for the backyard. Everything that is jammed packed into my third bedroom will be going in there, and my semi-permanent houseguest will have their own room and office desk in that room and the use of my drafting table in there, so that my own personal office space will be mine once again. Thank goodness for that, because I am two ticks away from losing my shit.

 

So, on to todays BlogHer prompt:

Nov. 25: What do you think we could all do better with if we looked at it with a child’s eyes?

 

Everything. Honestly, everything.

 

Children of a particular age have no use for racism, discrimination and hate in their little lives. They live life to the fullest with no political/religious/social ends. The world is clear and free to them. All they want is safety, security and to be themselves.

 

Everything would be richer and fuller. The world would be filled with more kindness toward everyone and everything. We would have the grand scale of beauty in raw form in art and literature. Our minds would be free and not polluted with the little things they are filled with today as adults. The muck that muddles the mind.

 

It would all be appreciated more by the world at large.


November 2016 Day 16

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No word count as of yet, had my final pool therapy this morning and assessment. Tomorrow I go see my doctor at the bone and joint clinic, who will then send me for my consult with a surgeon. Fun times, right? :/

 

So my NaNo writing will be put off for a little bit today. I did more than enough writing yesterday, however I am one to post a word count every day for the entire thirty days, so, I will be working later on.

 

Disappointing evening yesterday. I hosted a Write In down at the library and only two people showed up. I was sort of anticipating a decline in group participation with the coming holidays and whatnot. November really isn’t the best of months to hold NaNoWriMo in the USA…lol.

 

 

Anyways, lets move on to the BlogHer prompt for today:

Nov. 16: What TV series finale are you still upset about and why?

 

Hannibal. HANNIBALHANNIBALHANNIBAL!!

 

Hannibal was one of the greatest series out there. It stayed pretty true to the theme of the book Red Dragon, while playing up the complex relationship between Will Graham and Hannibal Lector. It also brought Jack Crawford and his wife more into the spotlight, which, their struggles were completely overlooked in the movies.

 

Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy had an incredible fix on their characters, playing off one another so perfectly, it was simply beautiful.

 

While the series ended on sort of a cross between cliffhanger and closure, I think it should have continued on. Just how much of Bedelia was served as a main course? Was Will partaking in the fine dining? There was a third chair in that scene…

 

The entire ensemble cast was great. Seeing Scott Thompson in a serious…or somewhat serious role was quite impressive after his Kids in the Hall days of his youth.

 

There is something more that needs to be highlighter here other than just the cast.

 

The visuals of this show were amazing. From the suits to the interior designs of rooms and halls. Even the food, as odd as some of it was, was so visually appealing.

 

Why this show was cancelled is beyond me. It makes me sad.

 

If you have never seen Hannibal the series, I suggest hunting it down (couchtuner) and watching it. Only 3 seasons, nothing binge watch can’t handle. Lol.


November 2016 Day 11

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Its an US Holiday today, and I allowed myself some time to lay in bed just stretching out my back and thinking over all I need to get done word-count wise for NaNo.

Once I got up and met with my lover (coffee) we had a discussion over where we are going with the novel for NaNo and then the words just flowed. 2683 in words today, bringing me over the 25k mark to 26668. Nice.

BlogHers blog prompt gave me more trouble, however. I didn’t know what ‘relationship’ to base my answers on. My ex, my daughter, my best friend?

So here is todays BlogHer prompt:

Nov. 11: What are five funny (but real) things your current relationship has taught you? (note: because I cant think at the moment, I have decided to split this up between my male, my daughter, and my best friend. There are funny things about all.)

1.     Men: No matter how old they are, no matter how ‘well off’ they are financially, no matter how mature they are – all men leave skid marks in their underwear.

 

2.     Daughters: No matter how old they are, what profession they chose to study, how many relationships they’ve gone through – they will always come back to momma, and the rule that they always come back with more than they left the nest with is true. Only, instead of children (grandchildren) my daughter has brought home a boyfriend and a best friend. I am tripping over bodies in this house.

 

 

 3.     Best Friends: You can live thousands of miles away, and they always know when something wrong. When together, the two of you are bad ass alcohol swilling wenches with foul mouths and ultra-attitudes that are full of confidence – unless there is some sort of small caterpillar like bug on the floor to which you both try to avoid, get near tears, until one of you takes a half of a roll of paper towels to pick that damn thing up and squeal while tossing it in the garbage.

 

 4.     Best Friends: No matter how worldly your best friend is (having traveled to Canada, Argentina and France) – she can come visit you in your home town and have no idea what the locals are saying with our thick southern accents, therefor looking at you pleadingly to translate.

5.     Men: Again, no matter how well off they are in life, age catches up to them all. Joking about how they’ve ‘lost that great ass and look like a bullfrog wearing britches’ will make that grown ass man nearly wibble to tears over the loss of that one great ass.

I know this wasn’t the proper way to work this prompt, but I really got stuck on it and just sort of winged it to fit me personally. I hope you enjoyed it.

Since BlogHer doesn’t supply prompts for Saturdays and Sundays, I will be substituting short stories in their stead! I have some wonderful story prompts to work with, so hopefully things will be fresh and new in my writing.

Or perhaps I’ll give some excerpts from Book Two, which I’m working on now!


November 2016 Day 10

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Today I managed a very weird word count on my NaNoWriMo. I managed 2222 word count. I’m pleased with it though. I will admit, however, that the words and ideas are flowing a little slower than I would like. I can see the scenes and talks in my head, I just can’t seem to translate them onto the word document well. And its only day 10. ~face palms~ Oh, well. I’ll keep plugging away at it.

 

Now, onto the BlogHer NaBloPoMo prompt for today:

Nov. 10: Did you celebrate or commemorate your divorce or a significant breakup? Would you ever?

I did celebrate my divorce. Looking back on it now, twenty years later, I regret my actions and immaturity.

On the day I received my papers back from the judge and everything was official, I went straight away with changing my last name back to my maiden name. ON EVERYTHING.

Then, I went to work, did a little woohoo with my few friends and when the store closed for the night, we (a very large group of us) all went to the local bar we frequented and had ourselves a party. Tequila shots (my favorite) bad dancing and even worse Karaoke.

I kept up the party girl single mom out whenever I could routing for a few months before it got old. I tried dating. NOPE. So, I started doing other things. I put my time into my relationship with my daughter, worked on my cake decorating skills, focused on art and writing more and spent a lot of time at my parents.

Now-days, things are very different. That man I had divorced has grown up, become responsible, and we depend on each other for various things. I know I can depend on him, our daughter can depend on him.

I DO regret my past actions. But, I was young and stupid. I’ve matured and can look back at the many errors in my ways back then.

So, today, even though the prompt was kind of a downer, for me, things turned out wonderful in the end with years to form a fantastic relationship with the father of my daughter. He’s a good man. He wears his heart on his sleeve a lot, and gets hurt a lot, but I’m always there for me, no matter what.

I think that qualifies as a happy ending of sorts.

Be sweet, my lovelies


November 2016 Day 9

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So, my word count is steadily moving along quite nicely. While I was in pool therapy today I was just overwhelmed with ideas and things to rework my novel for NaNoWriMo. I came home, took a shower, got my coffee and a snack and set right to work. I managed 2990 in words today. Not bad if I do say so myself. That gives me a total word count of 21763 so far! GO ME!

Todays BlogHer.com prompt is:

Nov. 9: What do you want to say to Hillary Clinton today?

Really? Honestly? Nothing much other than you’re a woman and you gave it a good try. Most people know I am not into all the political stuff, and I never discuss politics. Political debates are not my thing, and following politics isn’t my thing.

I know next to nothing about Hilary Clinton other than what shows up in news feeds. I don’t think I understand her workings to offer up anything to say to her, neither good nor bad.

I know it’s wrong of me to take that sort of stance, seeing as this year’s election seems like such a heated one and everyone is saying ‘you should go vote!!!’. Well, stop telling me what to do. I don’t like anything I’ve heard about Trump lately, but that stuff works both ways. There are things Hilary has said and done that don’t jive with me either. And at the same time, both have their merits.

That sums up things on that front.

So, I abstain from this question for the most part.

Zoe doesn’t discuss politics or religion with the general public, even if its is a ‘what if’ scenario.

 

Be sweet, my lovies!


November 2016 Day 4

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Howdy all!

 
So, I’m sitting in my coffee shop with a fellow Wrimo who was in the area and we decided to meet up to write together. It’s awesome.

 
Currently I’ve written 2861 words for the day for NaNo, and I’m still working on it!! I’m just taking a break to get my head straight a bit. Let’s get my blog challenge done.

 

 

Todays Prompt:

Nov. 4: Which fall shows should totally be canceled already?

 

 

You know, I have no clue. I honestly don’t sit in front of the television and watch new things. I’m not a couch potato. I have my favorites which I watch on Couchtuner. I watch The Walking Dead, Supernatural, American Horror Story and Vikings. I watched Hannibal to the end. I was sad that it was cancelled.

 
So, I really don’t know what else is out there. I don’t watch comedies. I used to watch all the crime shows. CSI and what not, just because …you know…RESEARCH…haha.

 
I also don’t sit in my living room to watch my shows. I never go in the living room. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice room with a 55” screen TV, but honestly, I am much more comfortable in my office. I can watch a show on the main screen, while talking to someone on Trillian on the other screen. It’s handy.

 
I have totally run off topic. I apologize. I’ve had to take a pain pill for my back pain and well, it’s left me a little loopy.

 
Out of the shows I DO watch…I think American Horror Story has run its course. I don’t think it should just be cancelled, I really want to see what happens in this fall season, but I think they should end it there. I don’t find it that entertaining anymore. It lacking something. It’s boring. I know they are trying to be creative and original in their storylines, but it’s all falling a little flat in my opinion.

 
I watch Fear the Walking Dead, which I think I had my expectations set a little too high for. It’s not delivering anything that answers any of the question in regards to The Walking Dead. I like it, don’t get me wrong, but I am wholly disappointed in it. I think it should be ended, and maybe give up a few things to help us understand The Walking Dead better.

 
Well, I guess that sums things up for me.

 
Best sweet my lovelies!


Music in the Writing world

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I read an interesting article on writing over the weekend that suggested that you DON’T listen to music when you’re writing. It suggested that you just listen to the ambient sounds around you. If your in a coffee shop, listen to the idle chatter or TV, at home, just listen to the sounds of the home. Conversations, etc.

Poop I say! The article implied that listening to your favorite tunes distracted you from your writing, rather than relax and inspire. That the music pulled your attention too much.

Poppycock.

Perhaps its simply personal opinion and comfortability. Maybe its your choice in music. The article didn’t say what sort of music to not listen to.

When I write, most of my music is movie scores, classical and instrumental. No lyrics. I can see how bee-bopping to lyrics could pull your attention a little, but really, if you love what you listen to, it can inspire you past rough points. Right now I am listening to Sia. My writing is coming along just fine. When I start working on Book Two here in a few minutes, I’m switching to a more mellow playlist to suit the mood of the chapter I’m working on. It needs to be emotion provoking. Sad, sorrowful.

My playlist is actually divided up that way. By emotions. If I need inspiration for a fight scene, well, I put on some powerful battle march type of music.

The uses in your writing with music are endless. That article was pooh in my opinion. And it wasn’t a ‘suggestion’ article. It said DON’T do this…DON’T do that.

And well…I’m a rebel dammit!! ~shakes a fist~


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