Self doubt runs rampant…

11870936_1051237054900441_2882242274011882895_n

 

So, lately I have been having some serious self doubts about myself and my abilities. All my abilities…as a parent, grandparent, partner, writer, artist…

 

It started in November. It just started as a small inkling behind the eyes…a small thought here and there. A doubt in judgement here and there, and it just escalated.

 

Then I was sitting here the night before last working on something and I thought…should I continue to even try? My book is far from being as perfect as I want it. My writing doesn’t feel as smooth anymore. I have lost many followers and readers.

 

Should I keep my Zoe Ambler persona, all the time and work. Should I just let it go? Should I refocus elsewhere?

 

I am feeling very inadequate of late. Its a nagging feeling that is bringing me down more and more. I can attribute some of it to the holiday season. I always get a little depressed this time of year, no matter how well things are going.

 

However, I dont seem very productive. Mind you, we are all busy this time of year. This is a big book time. Here I am with the promise of a new book, yet not producing the final product.

 

I have family things going on that I was not prepared for.

 

I just have to question myself on why I keep up with things when I seem to be failing and falling behind. Am I disappointing anyone? The answer to that may leave me in tears.

 

I had a dream. I have talent. I am squandering it, I know. I am just not finding it within myself to chase these things. I feel so very let down.

 

Perhaps after the holidays I will feel better…if not, some hard decisions will have to be made.

 

Take care, my sweets~

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in About Me, Blogging, I went Bump, life, musings, Promoting, update, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Self doubt runs rampant…

  1. Lucy Brazier says:

    As a fellow writer -who speaks to other writers on a daily basis – I can tell you with absolute certainty that when it comes to writing, this is not unusual at all (and I’m sure you are not hopeless in the other areas of your life you doubt, either). It is a horrible, dark feeling and something vile deep inside tells us to just ‘give up, quit, you’re no good’. Please don’t listen to that thing. Maybe you need a little break from writing, perhaps your focus needs to be elsewhere. But please don’t let the doubt win. Take care.

  2. J-Dub says:

    My whole life has been increments of self doubt. Little reoccurring cycles. It ebbs and flows. I know this is not helpful other than to say you’re not alone and you come through this patch. It’s inevitable. Cheers to you.

  3. adamjasonp says:

    I’m sorry you feel this way, Zoe. It would seem seasonal… Depression of any kind will bring self-doubt, I know that. A serious depression will make you feel like you’re seriously bad at anything or everything. Feelings are a valid part of the self; however, they can easily distort things too. That critical voice… nothing helpful comes from “you’re just bad, give up.” A good editor wouldn’t say that!

    The truth is, there is not a writer who hasn’t struggled at writing. It always takes time. To get it right you have to live life and push through at what is true to you anyway. It is to walk the walk— even literally as exercise can be good for the brain; it is, at the end of the day, to be at the proverbial typewriter, hitting keys, littering the floor with discarded crumpled paper balls of what didn’t work. If you don’t feel like you have it in you right now, that’s okay; you don’t have to. But that’s not a permanent feeling.

    You do have other things to tend to, I’m sure. That tends to be the problem with writer’s block. Get some rest. Rediscover and discover anew. You’ll know what to do. (And it’s not “give up.”)

Leave a Reply