30 Day Challenge: Day 30!!

30 day challenge

Day 30: Anything you want to post about

Well…I could post about anything, huh? No fear, dear readers, I wont torment you.

Really, lately I’ve just been moping, mourning and grieving the loss of Fat Cat. Its something that will take a long time for me to get over. As a matter of fact, having little man Jeffrey here is a little hard. I hear the jingle of the bell on his collar and expect Fat Cat to talk into the room, meowing and bitching at me for something, and instead I just get the little sir.

I plan on making a shadow box with her ceramic paw print and lock of hair the Funeral home gave me. I was going to put one of her favorite mousy toys in with it. I have all the materials needed, I just cant being myself to do it yet, same with framing and hanging her pictures.

The cat was such a huge part of my life.

I got a new TV monitor for the PC rig. I actually traded with someone. This one is an inch smaller, but what drew me to it was the small display stand. The other one was big and round and really did take up a lot of space when you toss in the keyboard sitting in front if it. This on has the hand tucked neatly under it.

My only main issue with it is the color settings. I cant get the just right. Something I’ll just have to get used to, I suppose. The same thing happened when I got the smaller secondary monitor.

Oh, and we cut a piece out of my desk at the bottom to accomodate all the wires and cords running behind my desk.

The right speaker wire did not survive the saw. Looks like I’ll be buying some new speakers today…lol.

I dont want to leave my house today. I really dont. But I have to take my new truck to the Ford dealership for a few things. My lighter plug is broken, and I need an extra key and clicker fob.  I also found out I need a new catalytic converter. Joy of joys.

When that is all taken care of, I am putting a 2 inch lift kit on the beast, 33″ tires, window guards and all my silly decals.

I went to Best Buy yesterday. Dangerous. I stood there staring at external hard drive. WHY??? I have TWO 1Ts already!!! I did buy three 16GB thumb drives. I tell you, I am obsessed with backing things up.

Its 10am and I’m still sitting in my jammies. I need to correct that and get my arse moving on taking care of things. A friend bought a new vehicle this weekend and I told them I would take them to pick it up this afternoon, so I need to take care of my own things now.

Blarg. I miss my cat.

I’m a sad panda.

30 Day Challenge: Day 29

30 day challenge

Day 29: Picture of yourself

Um…I’m going to take a pass on this one. I forgot about this one.

Its 2am, I just woke up from a little nap, I’m slightly hung over, I TRULY hate my haircut and I have no make-up on.

Seriously, I am hideous as the moment. You dont wanna see this shit. I’ve seen zombies on the Walking Dead that look better than me at the moment. They probably feel better, too. lol.

One Week

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Its been one week since her passing.

It has been devastating. Lonely. Sad. Miserable.

We lost little man Jeffrey one afternoon… he was sleeping someplace we couldnt find him and he decided we just werent the effort to show himself. Typical cat. So, we got him a collar and put a bell on him. He spend an entire day trying to get it off before admitting defeat.

However, I hear that bell rattling around at night when he is off entertaining himself through the house, and oh, man…it just makes me think ChesterAnn is going to cross into the threshold of the office demanding my time.

I also catch myself calling Jeffrey Chester all the time.

I got the things to put together a shadowbox of ChesterAnns paw prints, lock of hair, favorite toy and a picture. I havent been able to will myself to put it all together.

I havent been able to go through her pictures and frame and hang them either.

I find myself toying with the pendant around my neck with some of her ashes in it. I find myself placing little kisses on it. I even catch myself talking to it.

I constantly look up at her urn. I talk to it, too.

You know, when you are grieving and morning and just stuck in so much pain, there is little anyone can do to make you feel better. I have recieved so many kind words from people, and yet this pain and ache is here, constant, seemingly neverending.

All over a cat.

No, not a cat. She was my best friend and confidant. Who bit me on occasion. But hell, what is a loving bond without biting?

You know, I want to get angry. I do get angry over unrelated things. I am extra moody right now, and snap easily. But I guess in a way I want someone to blame for her death. Oh, I could sit here and blame the vet, but you know, I cant bring myself to do it. Why? This man went above and beyond to try to help her. He, and his staff, REALLY care. I have gotten phone calls from some of the nurses and tech just asking how I am doing. How many can say their vet office staff does that for a client? A lot of things are so impersonal these days.

I gathered a bunch of things for Jeffrey. Things of ChesterAnn that I dont mind the little man having. A shit ton of food for one thing. And cat litter. Chesters old litterbox, since its the kind with a cover and flap. Little man Jeffrey was getting litter EVERYWHERE because he thinks he needs to dig to China. So the litter box was very useful and appreciated by my daughter.

However, Little Man Jeffrey hadnt figured out how to use the littler box like that at first. He got in okay, but when it was time to get out, he wasnt bright enough to push his head through the flap and crawl out. He poked a single tiny paw out and meowed for his momma to come rescue him. When my daughter told me that we laughed. Poor little guy. He understands now.

I also had an old pet carrier. ChesterAnn hated it. Its just a cheap one you can pick up at any pet supply store. Her good one, which I spent $60.00 is being kept with her things. I have put all her clothing into it.

Why do I do this? I feel like a mother that wont get rid of old baby clothes as their child grows up, keeping them as possible hand me downs or keepsakes. But I have no intention of giving these things to another cat. They are Chesters.

Okay, crying again. Lawdy do I hate crying. You know, I am not a big drinker of alcohol. I had some beer with raw oysters earlier in the week. That usually gives me my fix for 3-6 months. But I would love a six pack of Corona Extra, some limes and salt right now. Oh, and its only 9AM…but somewhere in the world it isnt!

Yesterday, to try to distract myself, I watched Couchtuner, getting caught up on all my shows that I’ve missed over the last few weeks. And I watched a good movie on Netflix. I plan on writing a small article on it with a review.

I have placed my gaming characters in ‘time-out’, so I dont have to log in and keep them active. They can stay in time out and I dont have to worry about the inactivity limit for deletion.

Well, I think I need more coffee right now. And some tissues.

Blah.

~hugs and squishes~

30 Day Challenge: Day 28

30 day challenge

Day 28: Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for?

I know this is a thing with some people. Not with me though. I mean, I just never look at the clock that much, and cant even remember when I’ve ever seen it on 11:11. Besides, that would be a 12 hour thing, and I tend to do the military time thing, so I’d only actually see 11:11 in the AM. I’m doing things, just dont pay attention.

I also dont believe in wishes much. Its the eternal pessimist in me.

30 Day Challenge: Day 27

30 day challenge

Day 27: A picture of your handwriting

First of all, let me say, that yes, I am left-handed.

No, I dont write in that weird wrist breaking upside down way most lefties do.

However, I do find myself changing page positioning to suit ‘how’ I want to write. My hand writing can be very refined and elegant.

More often than not, however, it resembles that of a seriel killers handwriting.

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30 Day Challenge: Day 26

30 day challenge

Day 26: What are some little things that make you feel warm and fuzzy?

Oh, a good one, because despite being so anti-people and anti-touch, there are things out there that make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Of course, cats and kittens top that list.

My coffee.

The sound of waves at the beach, or even the slight ripple of wind across the bay. I love water sounds.

Thunderstorms…lightning, thunder, sideways rain. Tornado and hurricane weather.

The smell of sandalwood.

The smell of the fireplace in the winter.

Pumpkin spice everything.

Fall…more for the smells than anything. People raking up the dead and fallen leaves in their yards and burning them – love that smell.

Zombies. I just get all warm and fuzzy at the hopes of a zombie apocalypse.

Best Buy and Office Depot. Lawdy, I could spend a fortune.

Mens forearms. I dont know what it is about a nice looking set of forearms.

Coming up with an idea for a story or RP and getting it work on it and it just flows from me, from start to finish. RPs especially.

Getting my monthly B-12 injection. Not, not warm and fuzzy, however, it gives me a chance to ask my daughter to kiss my butt, and those moments are precious.

Holding hands. I am not one for the touchy feely stuff, but holding hands is nice.

Sugar cookies, the moist and chewy kind.

Butter cookies with my hot coffee.

Talking to people online and them making you feel better about yourself, your situation and life in general more than people face to face do. I think its because when you express yourself online to someone, you have to put extra effort into it to really convey your sincerity.

Big trucks.

Big trucks with big tires.

When my daughter does things without me asking.

When my daughter is affectionate and lovey with no alterior motive…lol.

Watching the wild life on my property. Deer, turkey, wolves, coyotes, the occasional cow…

Bringing Fat Cat home. My broken heart.

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I brought Fat Cat home.

Her urn is resting in a cubby in my desk above my head so she can always be looking down her nose at me. Thats an attempt at humor.

The funeral home was amazing. The people, I mean. So caring, thoughful and considerate.

So, of course I was not handling this well last night.

My answer: I needed raw oysters and Corona with lime and salt, STAT.

I went to the local oyster bar, well, the best one, and had a six pack of Corona Extra with plenty of limes and salt, and I ordered a dozen and a half of oyster, but when it came down to it, I was only able to eat a dozen. Thankfully someone else was there, and the daughter was there, so nothing went to waste.

And no worries, I did not drive…I drove there, but someone else came with the daughter and she was able to drive me home in my truck.

We talked about Fat Cat, and funny things, and at one point I was spewing beer everywhere in a fit of laughter and giggles.

Our waitress was amazing, but she always is. She’s the daughter of the owner, and just a real sweet, down to earth girl with a sense of humor that just falls in line with mine.

As a side note, Little Man Jeffrey has been a huge pain in the ass lately for the simple fact we can never find where he sneaks off to. My answer: Put a color and bell on him! I found one of Fat Cats old collars and put a bell on it. Its blue, so its perfect for the Little Sir.

Oh, Em, Gee. Put the color on him and he gets to moving around and the bell is jingling. He certainly opposed that. He has tried repeatedly to remove it. It. Is. Hilarious. The poor boy is like ‘what sorcery is this!’.

I still hate my super short hair, but eh, I dont have the money for a wig…lol.

I miss my cat. I sometimes think I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes I call Jeffrey Chester on accident. Especially when he’s in trouble.

The is a void. A big one.

But dont you all worry I’m going to turn into some big lush or something. My little love affair with the Corona was a limited time thing. Like a one night stand. >>

I honestly only indulge in alcohol once every three month, at most. Coffee is my drug of choice…lol.

Well, I wanted you all to see ChesterAnns urn. The lighting behind it was from a different thing I had there, and kept the lighting because it added something to the look of the urn.

Well, I dont want to cry. Its too early for that shit. I’ll have a headache all day if I blubber now.

Be well, and love your four legged babies. (or six or eight if your one of those weirdos who keeps insects as pets. Nothing against you, but…ew.)

~Loves and squishes my darlings~

30 Day Challenge: Day 25

30 day challenge

Day 25: Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?

I honestly go for the plain, with the amazing personality. I’m no trying to sound mean or against what is considered ‘beautiful’, but those who are, and know it, usually tend to be a bit shallow. I mean, come on, even in our 40’s and 50’s when all of us gather in a gaggle, we all turn in on this high school mentality again for some strange reason. ‘The cool kids’ whatnot.

I am no raving beauty, but I dont find myself ugly either. I’ve been told I am ‘humble’, and I am perfectly fine with that. I know my flaws, and I also know its in MY hands whether to change those flaws or not.

Some people who look or seem perfect are not. While on the outside, they are perfect and everyone wishes they were like them, on the inside that can be very ugly.

So, yes, give me a nice plain guy with an amazing personality any day. Looks fade. Personality is what matters. A persons personality only gets richer with time. Looks just leave and you get sagging and all those perfections erode away.

Day 3 without Fat Cat: Bittersweet

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Well, today was the day to go to the Funeral Home and choose ChesterAnn’s urn. She hadnt been cremated yet, so they allowed me to see her one last time. Of course I blubbered the entire time.

I chose a beautiful urn for her, as well as a small pendant that they put a little of her ashes into. Morbid, I know, but I want a part of her with me always.

I cant seem to stress enough to people what that silly old cat meant to me. She was my best friend, my child, my confidante. Its true, my world really did revolve around her.

The Funeral Home is also making me a plaster cast of her front paw prints.

I’ll be able to pick her up tomorrow morning some time.

Once I left and managed to stop snotting everywhere, I went and got my new truck. Well, not new new, but new for me. Its another Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer, same avacado green as my last, only this is a newer model. There are some major differences in the interior I have to get used to. It drives like a dream though.

Of course, the first thing I had to do was ‘make it mine’. I got Mossy Oak seat covers and floor mats (why, yes, I am a redneck), a steering wheel cover, a cool set of skull dog tag air fresheners…and I ordered a shit ton of zombie apparell for the truck from Amazon.

I discovered much to my delight that the CD player in the truck holds 6 CDs. It only has one slot, so I thought it only took one. My last Expedition had a six pack changer…a little square box that you loaded 6 CDs into and popped it into a thing in the center console.

And the center console…zomg…I have so much space in there! The first thing my daughter said was ‘we could put a human head in there!’

Okay, to explain that, when my daughter and I size things, like boxes and such, we judge by what size of a human head will fit. We openly do this. Trust me, you will get some mighty strange looks in the middle of the Post Office when deciding on what size PO Box you will need and then reducing it to ‘holy cow, you can fit two heads, or maybe even a whole toddler, into that box!’.

Yeah, people dont get our brand of humor much.

I have a thumb drive full of Fat Cat pictures, and this evening I bought a bunch of varying size frames.

Yes, there will be a shrine.

I know, I’m pitiful.

Oh, and I still hate that I cut all my hair off.

~sighs~

😦

Well, I have a busy day tomorrow. More weeping, whining, blubbering, sobbing, snotting and moping. And then I have to get my truck registered and get tags. I think I’ll get a custom tag…I just need to think of something that no one else in the state of Alabama has thought of. Bleh. >:[

~hugs to my squishes~

30 Day Challenge: Day 24

30 day challenge

Day 24: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

Exactly how far back in the property could I hide a body?

Do I really need just one more cup of coffee?

I think I need one more cup of coffee…

I need to restock in case of a Zombie Apocalypse…

I should get a manual typewriter, plenty of ribbon and paper in for the Zombie Apocalypse, that way I can keep writing…

I wonder just how often he thinks of me…

My swords need to be cleaned and sharpened…